Uncle Sam wants YOU!

Have you gotten one of those letters from your school yet? It's called a "Message from the Department and State Board of Education." In a nutshell, it says that under the provisions of the federal "No Child Left Behind" law, student directory information is "required" to be made available to "military recruiters" and "institutions of higher education." If a student or parent doesn't want that information spread around, they have to call and make a special request. Seems it would be simpler if they just asked people to call who want that information passed around. But then, who would be crazy enough to do that?
What a hoot, though. It gives new meaning to No Child Left Behind. You gotta figure that once we spread democracy beyond Iraq to places like Iran, Syria, Palestine and maybe even North Korea, there will be no child left behind in this country.
Lock and load kids, it's time to ship out!

What's in Erie's water?

Have aliens invaded Erie Township? If you read the papers or talk to people in Erie, it sounds like someone's having hallucinations. The police chief thinks the place has serious crime. The township board thinks the police department should generate enough revenue to pay its own way. Some citizens think the cops are overzealous. Other police agencies think the Erie Township police department is uncooperative and run like some sort of fiefdom. People are makng accusations that someone might have been playing fast and loose with recordkeeping and finances. So the township is calling in the (State) police. A strip club wants to move to the township. Some of the opponents are relatives of a strip club operator in Toledo.
Here's an idea: Let the strip club come in under an agreement that the township gets a portion of each patron's entry fee and the proceeds will fund the police department. In other words, the department probably will end up being truly self-funded.

Overzealous sports parents

You'll see them at just about any Monroe County athletic event involving kids. Actually, you'll probably hear them first. They're overzealous sports parents who yell at their kids to do better, try harder, look alive, pay attention. These cretins live and die by the minor sports exploits of their children. Sports, a lot of people say, is good for kids. It imbues them with the competitive spirit and teaches them that winning is an admirable goal. But if you watch and listen to those overzealous parents at sports events, you can't help but think that the poor kids being harangued are having their characters spindled, folded and mutilated by their parents. They ought to have Department of Human Services staffers prowl the crowds at sporting events and make citizen arrests. They should lock them up for child abuse and throw away the key because even though they might want their kids to be winners, these parents are all losers

The Learning Curve

Heard about the maybe illegal meeting a few of the newest Monroe City Council members had. It seems they strayed into the conference room next to the council meeting room and SHUT THE DOOR! Supposedly they were talking about how to go about naming a substitute mayor in the absence of the new (old) mayor Al Cappuccilli. Ironically, these were some of the same people who complained most bitterly about the lack of proper meeting procedures when they were on the outside looking in before they got elected. Does that mean they're ignorant, stupid, conspiratorial, clumsy or just slow learners? Time will tell. It's funny that it doesn't really seem to matter who's in office -- there's always a tendency to freeze out, shut up or ignore the taxpayers. How do we fix this?

A hold-up in progress?

It looks like some Monroe County elected officials are challenging the right of the Monroe County Board of Commissioners to put a hiring freeze into effect. The county figures it doesn't have the cash to fill jobs that might become vacant for one reason or another. But other elected officials -- Sheriff Crutchfield among them -- figure they're answerable to their constituents, not the county board. It has the makings of an interesting political power struggle. The sheriff certainly believes he has the interests of the county at heart, but he'd better be careful. Some county commissioners might think he's just trying to throw his weight around or hold the board up for the cash he needs to fill positions. Seems it's been shown in the past, though, that the only obligation a sheriff has in Michigan is to maintain a jail. Things like deputies on the road, records clerks and detectives aren't really required by law. Hope the sheriff manages to stay out of jail on this one. Come to think of it, maybe some county commissioners will be locked up.

The Motoring Mayor

One of the funny little dramas being played out in Monroe is a debate over whether the new (old) mayor, a guy named Al Cappuccilli, should have the use of a city car. City council will be deciding whether to change a policy that was changed by the old (new) mayor, a guy named John Iacoangeli. Iacoangeli didn't need a car and figured it would be a waste of tax dollars to have constituents pay for his wheels. But Iacoangeli got voted out and to the victor belong the spoils. This shouldn't be mistaken as a matter of sheer greed, though. The Observer has learned that Cappuccilli needs the car because the Bush Administration put him on the No Fly Watch List. That's the list of people the government won't let fly on airplanes because they might be terrorists, could have ties to terrorists, have names that sound like they could be a terrorist or might have read articles about terrorists. About 80,000 Americans are on the No Fly Watch List now -- everyone from grandmothers to four-year-olds. Yeah, it almost sounds like the way they do things in a Middle Eastern dictatorship. BTW, word has it that Mayor Al soon will be equipped with a Dodge Viper. But that's just a rumor. Someone probably heard him saying he thought Iacoangeli was a Viper, who should get outta Dodge.
Do you think Al is greedy or that Iacoangeli should get outta Dodge?

You oughta be in pictures

Congratulations to Jeff Thomas of Monroe for landing a writing and directing gig for "Fallen Angels," a horror movie in the making featuring big-time Hollywood horror stars (Read story here). We hear a number of Monroe residents have invested some cash in this venture hoping for a big payoff if it's a box office hit. Hopefully, it will be. If not, there's a good chance real blood will run in the (Monroe) streets. Horrors!

Who are we?

That's the question a lot of folks have been asking privately for years. I've not been able to come up with a good answer, so let's arrive at some concensus on this. Are people who live in Monroe called "Monroeites" or "Monrovians" or "Morons?" Hint: Don't pick the last one unless you are one. Is there a better name for people around here? I'll have to ponder this a while and I'd welcome any suggestions.